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Maddox Targets The iPhone - Hilarity Ensues

Wednesday, July 18th, 2007...1:56 pm

Maddox Targets The iPhone - Hilarity Ensues


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Maddox iPhone Review

Well we finally have an unmistakably negative review of the iPhone and it’s from one of the most infamous writers on the Internet.

In his typically crude style Maddox points out how terrible the iPhone is and how stupid you are if you own one, whilst praising his Nokia E70 - going so far as to call it the pinnacle of human achievement.

Despite all the sarcasm and swearing, he puts together a rather convincing argument. And a hilarious one at that.

First of all, the E70 has a full keyboard, not some shitty stripped down, tap-and-pray smudgy piece of shit. Nokia uses a technology that’s even more advanced than the iPhone’s tap screen, allowing you to actually feel the keys you press as you’re pressing them! The technology is called “tactile response,” and it allows you to do things like dial a phone number without staring at your screen like a shit-chucking ape. In fact, every other cellphone ever made has this technology, sometimes called “buttons.”

For those of you who have never read Maddox’s work before I suggest checking out some his earlier articles as well. If you don’t like his raw style, that’s okay, he’s not for everyone. But if you do enjoy it, you’ll be hooked. Unfortunately he doesn’t update very often these days.

8 Comments

  • I like Maddox.

    But he missed the mark with this one.
    The Nokia is a bridge to the past in technology: a cumbersome, folding keyboard. I mean, really..

    The software on the iPhone is great and I am looking forward to future developments with this new direction in user interfaces. Time to let go of the past boys and look to new technology. I am definitely looking forward to a 3rd generation iphone over another e70…but whatever..

  • I agree with Maddox. Touchscreen is way over rated. I can message much faster by feeling the keys without having to look at the screen. Also there is no issue with fingerprints and oil stains using buttons. I like buttons. I hope you saw the parody of the Microsoft computable on YouTube - it’s a big-ass table. Priceless.

  • I do a lot of text messaging without looking at the screen so the iPhone would limit me in that respect. It’s a nice piece of gadgetry but I prefer to avoid 1st gen Apple hardware.

    Are you talking about the parody of the Microsoft Surface emigre? That was pretty funny.

  • The iPhone is overhyped crap. I bought three for myself and ended up using each for toilet paper. It even sucks at that.

  • Hmm.
    Seems like most of the criticism will be solved in a 1)software upgrade or 2)the next device…also 3rd parties are already developing software for the iphone since day one…not sure what he is talking about: http://developer.apple.com/iphone/
    http://www.engadget.com/2007/06/11/apple-announces-third-party-software-details-for-iphone/

    Sounds like a little device envy to me but time will tell. Yea its expensive and it is not perfect but it is a new step, like the mouse, for device/ user interaction. That Nokia will be forgotten in 1 year, the iPhone will just keep getting better and better.

    Prognosis: Future=Fantastic with iPhone.
    Maddox, your slippin’ a little, but I love you man.
    You are the best.

    Last time I checked, my iPod has no keys either….works great.; it also changed the game forever.

  • Device envy?

    He has something with more features at half the price. He also doesn’t have to switch phone companies.

    Sometimes “lower” tech is smarter tech. You can fry an egg in a pan or construct a convoluted Rube Goldberg device to do the same.

    “Cutting edge” garbage is still garbage…it just looks prettier to the crows pecking at it at the dump.

  • If the iPhone were an open platform Maddox would have only one valid point - the smudged screen. In practice the smudges and fingerprints are surprisingly easy to ignore.

    However: the other points Maddox makes - in summary, a shocking lack of utility and applications - will never be addressed now that iPhone has been locked down by Apple. It will forever be hobbled by the shortsightedness of Steve Jobs and Phil Schiller. Shame too, because the hardware itself is absolutely amazing.

    I don’t know if I could go back to any other kind of mobile browser now that I’ve pinched and tapped on an iPhone. Too bad I can’t save attachments, use my own ringtones, record video, use ssh, have a to-do list, etc. etc. etc. Web apps are a LAME and useless alternative to true 3rd party development.

    Plus, AT&Ts network is so appalingly miserable, if you’re anywhere other than a direct line of sight with a cell tower, you can kiss your webapps goodbye.

  • To me, it just comes down to practical utility, even if it may be fueled by some degree of device envy.

    It’s an extremely sexy device with a nice browser, but there are plenty of smartphones out there that trump the iPhone in terms of functionality. Replace “Nokia E70″ with BlackBerry (anything) and you’ve got yourself a pretty strong argument.

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